It’s getting real cool in the evenings. I have a Kiva, which is a bee-shaped fireplace. It is a standard fireplace in the traditional Spanish-style architectural house, which I have. It is fueled by gas and hasn’t been turned on for about 10 years.
One year I called the propane company to check it out and fill the tank. I thought it might be welcomed by my spouse who was in the early stages of Dementia.
It was a big disappointment to me that my loved one seemed indifferent to my efforts. At that time, my spouse was beginning to have concerns about where we were and where the car was. I was hoping maybe a cheerful fire would provide a distraction.
I had donated the car to a veteran so I said the car was loaned to a veteran friend. My loved one was an Air Force veteran, but was unable to recall serving in the military.
I sealed off the Kiva, and ignored it, as much as an elephant in a room can be ignored.
I have a friend coming to visit. It sure is nice to have someone else in the house sometimes. Living alone is hard. It’s difficult to keep from becoming immersed in it. It can lead to darkness and despair. I’ve been there and don’t want to visit there again if I can avoid it. I guess that motivated me to look at the Kiva again. Maybe it would be nice to have a fire. I thought maybe I can choose some joy.
Reopening a fireplace that has been dormant for a long time requires serious effort. I was worried there might be obstructions in the chimney. I asked my handyman to get up on the roof and check it, then crawl in the fireplace and look up. He did and it was all deemed safe.
Once again, the propane company inspected the tank and line to ensure everything was working properly, as required by the new code. This wasn’t required 10 years ago, but it’s better to be safe.
All was OK, however there was still some gas left in the old tank, which now requires exchanging the old tank for a new one. Did I really want a fire that badly?
Finally, all is approved. The damper is opened. The gas is on. The starter is lit. The fire races up. What a beautiful fire.
Once I was finally able to have a fire, I found it hard to live without one.
The working Kiva is such a cheerful site. Why did I wait this long to get it going?
A reality check has revealed a problem. My chair has its back to the fireplace, the Kiva. Other chairs also have their backs to the Kiva. I have to turn them all around.
Now the entire room is out of kilter so I have to rearrange the entire room. These are unintended consequences!
The fire has opened my eyes to another elephant. I have been sitting in my chair, reading with one light. Part of the rearrangement was bringing in lamps from where they were stored.
The room is no longer dark.
I have a fire. I have light. It brings me joy. It burns and chases the loneliness away. Depression has been interrupted by fire and light.
Contemplation: What external stimulants can interrupt the pain of grieving and promote recovery without being self-defeating?
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
Sincerely,
Lynn Brooke
© 2023 Our New Chances
Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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