Life lesson: Hug with caution.
A friend hugged me today. It was a full body hug. It wasn’t a sexual thing, it was in response to something I said, which was interpreted as my need for a hug. It was very uncomfortable and almost scared me, it was so unexpected. I am not a hugger. I don’t really like to be touched. Some people insist on touching your arm or putting their arm around your shoulder when talking to you.
There are a myriad of hugs, with different implications. Some people are what I call touchy people. They like to be hugged and expect everyone they are in contact with to have the same expectations. It never crosses their mind that some people don’t like to be hugged.
This behavior is not limited to people. Haylee Bergerland in Why We Love Dogs (Dotdash Meredith Premium Publishing, New York, New York, 2022) relates that all dogs aren’t fond of being hugged, although some like it, just like people. My friend's cat likes to be hugged, but just for a second, just like some people.
Hugs convey a wide variety of messages. Some indicate “power structure.” A subordinate should never consider hugging a superior. Some social niceties, such as a hug or an air kiss, are a method of greeting, as is a handshake.
The extent of the hug conveys its own message. A mother hugging her child is communicating love and safety. A hug between receptive friends can also convey a message. It can provide comfort, indicate caring and initiate a personal interaction, which is so vital to those who are alone.
I do not initiate hugs. I tolerate hugs from those important to me simply because it is important to them. It doesn’t kill me. Who knows, maybe some of the huggy messages being conveyed by them will rub off on me.
I have to remember it is important to those of us re-entering life to be cognizant of “hugging and no hugging” cues. Can we withstand a brief hug? Does someone we know and meet expect to be hugged? If we accidentally hug someone, what reaction does the hug provoke? Is that person backing off? If so, then stop the hug and smile. Proclaim how pleased you are to see them. I hope, as I continue to emerge into life, I will become more adept in recognizing signals. In the meantime, if you have a dog who likes to be hugged, go for it. It could be exactly what you need.
Let me know how you are doing. I care.
Sincerely,
Lynn Brooke
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Photo Credit: © 2023 Rachel Gareau
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