Hello, I am Lynn Brooke

Re-entering life after the loss of my spouse

Whether you opened this blog by accident or design, thank you. It isn’t about cooking or fixing things, which is what we generally go to find out about. My spouse died over a year ago. This followed a week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year decline for over 10 years of the brilliant, exuberant person I had given my life to more than 50 years ago. It has been a time of numbness and survival. This blog is about a journey. It is the story of my efforts, from a bottomless pit, to re-enter a life that was taken from me. It is dedicated to my wife, my life, and to all of those who have passed before us.

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There are times when I am happy. I can appreciate people and nature and life in general.  Other times are times of such intense pain, it absorbs my being.  It creates such a hurt inside it bubbles out in tears and woe: At times when I am not prepared, times when I cannot pretend or avoid.  I want to reenter life, whatever it may be; not end the rest of my days in a pit of despair. 

The origins are convoluted. I have two homes, one for summer and one for winter. The time of nothingness spent in our summer home, after my spouse’s death, was filled with projects and evasions. I kept up with politics, but did not participate. I read fiction, anything to escape. I rarely socialized. I had no idea how I could fill my time when I returned to our winter home, the home where my spouse had died.

I decided I would write. I had some past experience. I was a doer. I started our school newspaper when I was a junior in high school. I had an article published in a national journal. I was promoted in any job I undertook until I was shot down with my spouse’s illness. There was nothing I could do about that, no cure. I couldn’t fix the illness, couldn’t be in charge.

I looked around and found many of my friends in the same situation. I could write about us. I could explore theories left behind.

I wrote an article. In it, I came to the horrible conclusion that all over America, there was an epidemic of loneliness. Spouses had died. The Covid epidemic left scores bereft. I am a doer, so I decided I could do something.

I started the process of registering a corporation, the purpose of which was to draw some of us people together to offer some relief to others. The project turned out to be too complex and too expensive.

To be successful, it is always best to do what one knows best how to do, to write what one knows about. The only thing I know about is the grief from my spouse's death. I don’t know how to cook and I don’t always successfully fix broken things.

That’s where we are here, the journey. If you have a similar journey, please travel it with me. Loss is just as painful from causes other than death. The times of my grieving are not pleasant, as I am sure yours are not.

I am not a counselor, I am not a therapist. I have in my professional experience been in contact with those. They have shared many wisdoms with me. What I am, is a person sharing with you the times of pain and grieving, times of longing. I will share the experiences I’ve already had and what I am experiencing now. If it resonates with you, I hope it may help you to know you are not alone. I will share what the experts have shared and taught me. Lessons to recover, lessons to assist with healing. Some of those life lessons are helpful, some are common sense. We just need encouragement to listen to them and allow them to help guide us through our journey.

I ask you to share my journey, and be in touch with me. Let me know how you are doing. Let me know I am not alone in this journey. What I can do is hear you and share our pain.

Sincerely,

Lynn Brooke

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